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Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.  She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE  THERE!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.  Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway,  brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new  bathroom scale.
 
Funeral services for Ed have been scheduled for Friday.